When something is taken from you it leaves a hole where it once resided. Depending on the nature of the situation determines the depth of the hole. This means the range by which it affects us can be great or small. We may have a lot of work to do to get over this hurdle, or not very much work at all. It all depends on the person and the situation. 

I find that there is 2 distinct ways to deal with these sorts of problems. One can either Replace what was loss or Repair what has been damaged. 

Replace

As you start to figure out life in this new space without the thing or person you loss, I find that a lot of times we look for something to fill the void that has been left in the wake of the loss. Whether on purpose or not we try to mold new things into something that can close the gap. A new relationship to replace an old one, a new puppy to replace a lost one, a new car to replace a broken down one. The list goes on and on. Now this is not necessarily a bad thing however it can also become a burden sometimes. I find this method to be most common as it is achievable at any stage in our lives.

After I lost my lady and by proxy the kids, I found myself with a lot of free and unassigned time on my hands. The hole that was left behind was a big one and I wasn’t sure how I would get over it. Eventually I started my blog, and I gave it a similar level of priority in my life that was once occupied by my family. This was great for me as I had a new sense of drive and motivation and I found something to occupy my thoughts and time. 

However, there is a flip side to this approach. You see the hole left by the loss was shaped one way and although I made it fit the new endeavor is shaped another way. Sometimes it can be like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. You may get it to fit but it is not a perfect solution. In my experience the reason why this is not a perfect solution is because the shadows of your suffering can still seep through the openings and make themselves known from time to time. Depending on the person and situation this can be a big deal or nothing at all.  

Repair

The more difficult yet rewarding path to take is for one to repair the damage that has been done. As stated in previous posts we often tend to shy away from addressing the potholes in our lives. Sometimes it’s easier to just put something else there and try to go on with our lives. However, that doesn’t always work out. 

You see the reality of the situation is that the connection to whatever or whoever it is that you loss is unique. Therefore, you won’t be able to fill the void completely with an alternative. The only way to fill it completely is to patch it up so that a new connection can be created. The patch job is simply you are taking time to process the loss and prioritizing your self-care. Some examples could be going to counseling or grief share groups. Maybe seeking spiritual enlightenment through attending services and bible studies. As for your self-care, maybe work on your health and fitness, or develop a new hobby or make time for something you are passionate about. Essentially you are building a new foundation. Now upon this new foundation you can establish anything you see fit. I liken it to building a new structurally sound fortress over the ruins of a fallen kingdom.

After realizing that trying to fill the void left by my loss with the endeavor of the present was not the most beneficial approach for me, I decided to start repairing it then. I have been focusing on building a new foundation through growing through what I’m going through. I also make it a point to make time for my self-care. Above all else I am mindful of my state of being at all times, giving myself room to be human thus expediting the process of repair. 

In Closing

Throughout our lives we may find ourselves in a position where we are a little more metaphorically porous than we are used to. In these cases, we are left with a couple of options. We can one, try to replace what was with something new. Or two, we can do our best to repair the damage and construct a new foundation for new connections to be built on. The longevity of your choice depends on the amount of effort you choose to invest in yourself. Remember the goal is to do what you can to become whole again. Go in good faith and be blessed. You Got This!!!

Replace vs Repair video: https://youtu.be/ZWH2nPrWI2E