When hard times and trauma walk into your life like a plus one at a party, they gift you a heavy and often painful package. Grief. Grief is a cycle of which we trek through to navigate fog and darkness. Often associated with the loss of life grief can be experienced for many different reasons at any given time. 

Unlike most other cycles grief is not a linear experience. One minute you’re in one phase the next you may be in another. Just to wind up back in the phase you once made it through. For some the grieving process is a self-contained experience. To others however, the grieving process can become an ever-revolving door. A tv with nothing good on so you just cycle through the channels over and over again. 

Grief is comprised of five unique stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At any given moment one who has come to know the face of trauma is most likely existing in one of these stages. As emotionally draining as each stage can be for one reason or another, what if I told that it’s not all bad. Outlook matters a great deal here and what may seem like a difficult situation is truly just an opportunity for growth waiting to happen. 

Denial

The simplest way I can describe this stage is the misdirection of emotions. A defense mechanism that we use to buffer ourselves against the outwardly pressure of our situation. Whether one is still in shock due to a situation, or they have disconnected from the truth and are behaving as if things have not changed. Either way denial sees us enter into a state of numbness. 

Should you find yourself in this stage I want to encourage you to seek out an anchor point. What I mean is find something that grounds you rather than lets you drift about.  Let yourself be human and experience the emotions that come along with whatever you may be experiencing. Growth in this stage looks like you acknowledging the reality of the situation and understanding that the truth will set you free. 

Anger

As one steps out of denial they are often met with a new potent feeling of anger. This is where you start to feel the pain in explicit reality. Often consumed with frustration and resentment, we don’t just express these emotions towards the situation but also sometimes to ourselves. 

When one finds themselves angry and consumed by frustration, I want to challenge you to fight fire with fire so to speak. Find something potentially positive about your situation or yourself that maybe you are not readily seeing because you are caught up in rage. Basically, look for a silver lining and as often as you can speak positivity onto you and your situation. 

Bargaining

When what you are facing comes with unfair and unwanted situations one often finds themselves calling on the powers that be to get rid of the new uncomfortable space. Going back and forth in our minds as potential hypotheticals play out as “what if” scenarios. We often feel guilty for what has happened. 

Much like denial when one finds themselves bargaining it’s imperative to get to a place of stillness. Walk in the truth of ‘that is what happened, and this is what life looks like right now’. Know that you didn’t fail and although it may not have been the best of circumstances, this situation is poised to make you stronger in one way or another. 

Depression

As the reality of your situation begins to take root you are likely to find yourself lost in a sea of sadness. Feeling alone, unmotivated, and unable are all common feelings during a depression. Feeling like what’s the point and why bother, we often lose sight of hope in the midst of depression. 

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by sadness, may I recommend a few potential solutions. First and foremost is to look for positives in the otherwise endless field of negatives. Next is to identify things that make you happy or bring you peace and then take some time to engage in them. Finally do your best to connect with others for depression thrives in solitude. 

Acceptance

After a certain point in time, one finally acknowledges the reality of what has happened and now focuses on moving forward. This is where we start to understand that although rough things can get better over time. Finding different ways to adapt to life as it is now. 

Once you are ready to move forward remember to keep sight of the potential of what can be. Know that you may not be able to go back to the way things were, but you are in a unique position. You are in a space development one in which you can turn grief into growth and move on to a new tomorrow.   

In Closing

As we continue to live on chances are that we will experience a situation that causes us to grieve for one reason or another. Although very specific the grieving process is not always straightforward. If you are in denial, find a way to acknowledge your situation and let yourself experience all that comes with it. If you’re angry find positive truths that you can use to combat the negative feelings. If you find yourself bargaining, get to a place where you acknowledge that that was then, and this is now and now may see you grow like never before. If you are experiencing a depression, remember to be positive when possible and prioritize your self-care by doing things that bring you peace. Finally, if you have made it to a place of acceptance congratulations, know that you have to keep your mind focused on the potential road ahead remember that you are in a development process so growing through what you go through leads to a new tomorrow. We are not always in control of the when and why when it comes to grief but as long as you know how to navigate that space then success can indeed be your solution. Go forward and be blessed. You Got This!!!

Progressing Through Grief video: https://youtu.be/SGnkGU5a9XE