Far too often when faced with a difficult situation we tend to shy away from facing it head on. We usually try to circumvent the problem and find an alternative solution. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work in our favor. Going around a pothole doesn’t make it go away. Instead, it leaves it to fester and get worse. And soon it is now a problem for more than just you. 

For me the choice was simple…I had to do the work. This wasn’t an easy choice, and it certainly wasn’t a comfortable choice. But it was the best choice. What I was feeling after the loss was unlike anything I’ve experienced before and I’ve loss people before. But this time was different, this time it took a little part of me away and now I’m having to find a way to fill in the gaps. 

“Doing the work” is ambiguous and it is different things to different people. For me it was a combination of memory repetition and self-restoration. 

Memory repetition is what I have come to label this process as. It’s nothing scientific, instead it’s just simply taking a walk down memory lane over and over again. Now this is painful because as stated above no one likes to feel sad or hurt or angry. And going through these events again and again can seem like a form of torture. However, it’s not. 

Sometimes to fix the problem you are going to have to get a little dirty. You’re going to have to be uncomfortable and most importantly you will undoubtedly feel alone. Alone in the sense of isolation, like you are on an island by yourself, and you can see the world across the water, but you just can’t reach them yet. And that’s ok. You are going to have to take some time and get in that hole that you are trying to avoid and start filling it with new material. So basically, memory repetition is like a trip to Home Depot only you don’t know what you’re looking for…until you do. 

For my healing the second part of this journey has been self-restoration or self-care. This serves two purposes. First to balance out the stress of memory repetition but also to build me up. My self-restoration has been about finding a new balance in life by partaking in things that bring me joy, peace, and clarity. 

I go to the gym for my body, and church for my soul. I build LEGO for coordination and mental stimulation. I write and I draw as a means of expression and mental housekeeping. I help those I can so I can make a point of showing that you can overcome that which holds you back and you can indeed shine through it. 

You Got This!

I want to encourage others to take the time and do the work. Whatever is plaguing you take time and find a means to address it and work through it. Breathe, take a deep breath, and compose yourself. Know that it won’t be easy, and it is a lonely journey but at the end of the day you will be better for it. Strive to get better because you deserve better. Know that the brightest diamonds shine best under pressure. You are stronger than you ever thought you were, and you are enough to overcome whatever you find before you. Once you start don’t stop. You got this…now time to get to work. 

Doing the Work video: https://youtu.be/v-LJvD49Mlg